


How do I miss something I never even had?

by PlurmpDankensteinMcFlurnten



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Sudden Loss, author is not sorry at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27229648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlurmpDankensteinMcFlurnten/pseuds/PlurmpDankensteinMcFlurnten
Summary: It comes, not with an explosion or a grand battle or a brand new mech, but quietly, softly, and with a phone call.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 45





	How do I miss something I never even had?

**Author's Note:**

> Believe it or not, despite my other works i didnt intend this fic to be read as romantic loss. i actually prefer this to be read as just the loss of a sorta-friendly enemy, possibly dipping into feelings around losing someone you wanted to be a father figure but they failed to live up to that. but yanno, interpret away

Sonic was roused rudely from his midafternoon nap by the ringing of his phone. He groaned, rolling over, picking it up from the nightstand next to his bed and squinting at the screen. It was an “Unlisted” number, so figuring it was spam, Sonic pushed his phone face-down on the nightstand and rolled back over.

His phone went silent after a moment, then started ringing again. Sonic checked again; same “Unlisted” caller. Since the chances of it being spam were now minimal, he answered it with a sleepy “Hello?”

“Oh thank goodness,” a familiar voice came through, though across the phone Sonic couldn’t place where he knew it, “I was afraid you wouldn’t pick up.”

“Uh, okay?” Sonic said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, “Who is this?”

“Oh, sorry, I’m— it’s Orbot. You know, Dr. R...um.”

“Oh, hey!” Sonic’s mind slowly woke up, and he ran his hand over his sleep-messy quills, “Wait, why are you calling me? How does Egghead have my number?”

That was concerning, but then again he hadn’t gotten any calls or spam from the doctor anyway.

“He— he didn’t,” Orbot explained, “I’ve had it for a while just in case— I’m sorry, it’s a terrible breach of privacy, but I don’t have time to get into it now. I— we...need your help.”

Sonic furrowed his brows. It was true, he kept his number private because he didn’t want every fan out there blasting his phone, so he had questions for Orbot later. But the robot sounded...oddly concerned.

“Yeah? What’s goin’ on?”

There was silence on the line for a long minute. Sonic was just starting to worry this was some prank from Eggman when Orbot finally spoke up again.

“I...I don’t know how to put this d-delicately,” Orbot said, voice module sputtering, “But the doctor was in the lab all night, not too unusual, and when I went in an hour ago to get him breakfast he...h-he did not get up.”

Sonic’s heart came to a screeching, sudden halt in his chest.

“Wh...what?” He asked, jolting more upright, starting to push himself out of bed, “I don’t...you mean he fainted? Or needs a hospital? I can—“

“No, Sonic,” Orbot went on, “I have a heart monitoring function. He no longer has a pulse.”

Sonic’s heart had resumed beating at a pace to match his top speed. He took several shuddering breaths, sitting on the edge of his bed, trying to wrap his head around the concept. Dr. Robotnik _couldn’t_ die, Sonic had seen the man survive hundred foot falls, explosions, his own machines blowing off with him inside. The idea that he could just...pass away, quietly, like any other mortal man was just…

The idea that he could just go like that in his sleep, and not in some grand final battle with Sonic, was mind-boggling enough. Yet, there was the sense of perspective in Sonic to remind him they’d been battling each for a number of years now, and the doctor had already been past middle-aged when they’d first met. Just last year he’d made a joke at the doctor about grey hairs in his mustache, and the man had raged that it made him look “refined.”

“O-Okay, okay,” he finally exhaled, “What do you need me to do?”

“Er…” Orbot made a worried noise, “We were programmed with specific instructions, in case this ever happened. I’m sorry to say the doctor did write in there to _not_ contact you or your friends, though I assure you I would have found a way as it’s only polite…”

Sonic might have been insulted, except he was still reeling from the shock of the news and, really, it _was_ Eggman. Of course he would want to keep Sonic “guessing,” constantly looking over his shoulder until the reality finally set in; it was part of his devious mind.

“...But the problem isn’t with us, or I would not have called you until we were finished following our orders,” Orbot said, “I called you because...the problem lies with Metal Sonic.”

Sonic was now confused. “What...what do you mean?”

“Well, even though the doctor had kept him upgraded, he is the oldest still-functioning badnik the doctor has...had. So he was never...given those instructions for these circumstances. He is...having trouble cooperating and— and understanding what h-has happened.”

 _Oh boy._ Sonic ran another hand over his quills, feeling something he couldn’t describe, something between guilt and sorrow.

“We were hoping you could come over and...try to explain to him, or at least...shut him off, for a bit.”

Sonic let out a weary sigh. “Alright. Give me the coordinates and I’ll be right over.”

After giving him the coordinates and stammering out several awkward thanks, Orbot finally hung up. Sonic could feel something like a dark storm churning in him, the reality that the doctor was _gone_ trying to kick in, but he resolutely shoved it back, not intent to deal with it anytime soon.

Instead he called Tails, explaining the situation, hoping for backup just in case it went south. As Sonic raced to the location Orbot gave him, he resolved that if this was some kind of trap, he’d kick Eggman’s butt straight into space.

He only had to wait a couple minutes before Tails and Amy ran up.

“Tails explained what happened,” Amy said, then gave Sonic a concerned look, “Sonic, are you...really okay with doing this?”

Sonic shrugged, forcing a smile. “Hey, what could go wrong, right? One more chance to kick metalhead’s butt.”

Amy’s frown deepened. “Sonic, I thought you were here to help.”

“I-I am, but…”

Tails stepped up, rubbing his arm.

“Look, if there is...any trouble, or Metal Sonic goes off the handle, or even if there i-is a, uhm. A _body_ in there, we’ll be right behind you. Alright?”

Sonic still tried to smile at Tails, though even he could feel it tugging with resistance, “It’ll be fine! Thanks for being here.”

Tails and Amy nodded, and they all turned to the massive steel door in front of them. Still feeling something like dread crawling up from his stomach, Sonic knocked on it heavily.

It took long enough for him to feel he should knock again before the door slid open with a hiss, both Orbot and Cubot greeting them, covered in buckets while brandishing mops like weapons. Or, Orbot had what looked like it was once a mop; a hole had been burned out in a perfect circle at the head.

“Oh thank goodness you’ve arrived,” Orbot sounded genuinely relieved, “He’s started using his laser cannon. Oh, hello Tails and Amy.”

Tails waved shyly. “Hey Orbot. Hey Cubot.”

“Thank you again for giving us Sonic’s number years ago,” Cubot spoke up, “As you can see, we used it responsibly!”

He didn’t seem to notice as Sonic threw Tails a quirked eyebrow ridge stare. Tails shrugged nervously.

“Thought it might...come in handy?” He offered.

Sonic shook himself of that, turning back to Orbot and Cubot.

“Just take us to Metal. We’ll handle him.”

“Excellent!” Orbot clapped his hands, “Follow me.”

Sonic and his friends followed the two badniks inside the base, the door sliding shut behind them with a mechanical hiss. They walked in uncomfortable silence for a couple minutes, and Sonic was left to his still-brewing thoughts.

His suspicion of this being a trap was still high, and it was kind of reassuring because he didn’t know what he would do if it wasn’t. He still couldn’t quite grasp the concept the doctor might actually be...

“Did anyone consider that _maybe_ bringing Sonic in wasn’t a good idea?” Amy asked out of the blue, “After all, Metal still kinda...hates him. A lot.”

“Oh we know,” Cubot said, “He was programmed for that. He has this collection of headless Sonic dolls he keeps next to his charging bay, it’s kinda creepy.”

Before Sonic could comment, Orbot chimed in, “We were hoping that, if nothing else, you could provide a distraction, while we go about our, ah, instructions for the doctor.”

They arrived to an open door that had multiple burnt holes in the hallway wall across from it, and Orbot halted the group.

“He’s in there,” Orbot pointed, then wavered, “Or, um. Both of them are. But we only ask that you handle Metal.”

Sonic, Tails and Amy all shared a glance, then nodded to each other before Sonic peeked his head through. It looked like the doctor’s usual style of computer room, dark except for several large screens with a curved desk in front of them, multiple boxes and hardware shoved into the other side of the room.

Sonic’s eyes went wide and his heart threatened to stop again when they scanned over the desk. He could make out a chair, and a dark shape slumped over the desk.

And in front of that, that metallic body almost hidden in the shadows, Metal Sonic’s red eyes glowed menacingly. Actually, the turbine on the robot was glowing too, a loud _whir_ filling the air, and Sonic barely moved his head before a massive charge flew by where his face once was, burning a hole in the doorframe and making a new one on the other wall in the hallway.

“Metal!” Sonic called out once the attack was over, “We’re here to help! I promise, okay?”

As usual, there wasn’t a response from his badnik counterpart, so Sonic started to poke his head out again.

“If it’s any reassurance,” Orbot chimed in, his voice trying to whisper, “I think he only has about a dozen more shots before he runs out of power for it.”

“Thanks.” Sonic shot back, and peered into the room again. Metal hadn’t moved, just stood there, glaring at Sonic.

“There’s no need to— okay.” Sonic started, realized Metal was powering up to fire at him anyway, and ducked into the room, rolling under the charge. Metal fired again, and Sonic spindashed out of the way before coming at Metal from the side, knocking the badnik back. Metal stabilized himself, then charged to meet as Sonic smacked into him, both of them hitting another wall.

Tails and Amy ran inside, waiting and at the ready. Sonic freed himself from Metal’s claws, stepping back.

“Metal!” Sonic tried now, as the badnik pried himself out of the wall, “There’s no need for a fight. You need to understand—“

He saw Metal readying to launch himself at them, so Amy ran in and smacked Metal with her hammer. Metal stopped it with a hand, pushing back on her pressing on him, and successfully shoved her back. He swiped at Sonic, and Sonic dodged back.

Tails took out his datapad, hovering out of reach, trying to break into Metal’s programming.

Amy swung her hammer around and tried to hit Metal on the head, but Metal leapt out of the way at the last second, using the movement to punch Sonic across the face. Sonic stumbled backwards, his back hitting the desk.

Sonic got himself together a moment later, and his arm touched something that startled him. He jumped slightly to the side, looking up, then went still in shock.

He’d bumped into the doctor’s fallen arm, hanging by his side off the chair. The man’s face was tucked away into his other arm, almost passing like he was asleep. But the doctor was eerily still, and this close Sonic could smell something was deeply _wrong_.

Reality came crashing in on him, just as Metal slammed into him again, taking him to the side and into the wall covered with screens, crumpling them under the impact.

The badnik had him by the throat now, and Sonic heard that cannon powering up once more.

“Metal!” Sonic shouted, feet scrambling at the floor, “Stop it! He’s gone!”

Tails flew in, wrapping his arms around one of Metal’s shoulders, trying to dislodge the badnik. Amy dropped her hammer to do the same on the other side, both of them straining to pull Metal off of Sonic before he could fire.

Metal kept powering up, struggling against all of them, his eyes set on Sonic.

“Robotnik’s _dead,_ Metal!” Tails yelled, “Who’s— Who’s giving you orders now?”

Metal suddenly went very still, and slowly his cannon powered down with a low whir. Those red diodes flickered, darting around like he was searching for an answer to Tails’ question. His grip on Sonic lessened, but Sonic just looked at the badnik with worry.

“Metal?” He asked, “Hey, it’s—“

Metal whirled, still holding Sonic, throwing him into another wall. The motion threw Amy off, and she went flying into the doorframe. Tails let go before Metal could grab him, hovering back at a safe distance.

Metal turned his gaze back up to his creator for a long few seconds, like he was still waiting for the man to shout to launch himself back into the fight. Metal then turned his head slightly down, staring at the floor, before blasting his engine to life and flying out the door, disappearing with a trail of smoke.

After a second, Cubot let out a cheer, making Tails jolt in the air before landing.

“You did it!” The badnik celebrated.

“Oh dear.” Orbot said, looking at the vanishing trail, “I suppose that...worked, regardless.”

“Where’d he go?” Sonic asked, brushing himself off.

Tails and Amy turned to him with confused looks.

“Oh, probably where he usually goes whenever he wants to sulk,” Orbot explained with a sigh, “Up to the roof.”

“I’m going after him.” Sonic explained, walking for the door.

“Why?” Amy asked, groaning as she got herself up, “So he can slam you into another wall?”

“Yeah Sonic, we did what we came to do,” Tails gave the chair a nervous glance, “Let’s get out of here.”

Sonic shook his head. “I’ll be back out front in a few. You two can head out, if you want.”

He gave them a flash of a smile, then looked back at the chair and the body in it.

“I just need to settle this.”

Sonic raced out and up the side of the building, landing on the roof and finding Metal standing towards the west end, looking out over the horizon. The badnik turned his head to see Sonic, but then turned back.

Sonic approached cautiously, mostly out of what he knew was probably a delicate situation for the badnik.

“Hey, look,” he offered as he came closer, “I know it must be...hard, for you. Orbot said you weren’t programmed for— for something like this.”

Metal continued facing away, giving no sign he was listening, but Sonic felt like he had to go on.

“For the record, I’m sorry,” Sonic said, pushing through the way his chest seized, “I never thought...Never thought about it, yanno. Happening.”

He went silent, realizing he didn’t really know what to say to Metal. He stared off at the horizon line too, watching a breeze gently play with the trees and grass.

After a long minute, Metal finally spoke.

 **‘The doctor…is dead.’** his voice module ground out, sounding staticy and more monotone than Orbot and Cubot’s.

Sonic swallowed. “Yeah. He is.”

Metal’s diodes flickered, and slowly he creaked his head slightly downward, looking lost in thought again.

 **‘If he is...dead, I have no orders,’** Metal went on, **‘How do I...function, with no orders?’**

Sonic flinched, turning away. He didn’t have an answer for that, he didn’t have answers for _anything,_ not even his own. He and others had already tried the “you can be your own robot” speech on Metal, while the doctor had been alive, and had still found themselves under the badnik’s sharp claws afterwards anyway. And he doubted there were any traces of what made Metal turn into Neo Metal Sonic left in there; Eggman would have been sure to remove that programming.

Even though he hadn’t done much, he felt exhausted to his core, and Sonic gave in to sit down on the roof, curling his knees in to rest his elbows on them, hands curling protectively around his upper arms.

“I don’t know,” Sonic said, feeling his chest grow heavy again, “I-I mean, I don’t even know what _I’m_ going to do now.”

Metal’s red eye flickered back to him, watching carefully.

“Sure we were enemies, but he was...the whole reason I’m here now. I wouldn’t have had any of the adventures I had without him. I might never have met— anyone I know now, without him.”

Now that storm in him started to break; the cold, awful truth that the man who’d had such an impact on his life, even as awful as he was, was now _dead_ and would never challenge Sonic again hitting like a chilling wave of water. They’d never have one final grand battle for the fate of the world, no last fight of him against the odds to stop the doctor in his maniacal plan to rule through the demented dreams of a theme park.

Sure, they were enemies, but it went deeper than that. He had great respect for the man, even if it came with understanding how dangerous he was. They had even established some kind of almost-friendship in their later years of arch-rivalry, both of them too prideful to admit it or act upon it. But it had been there, and it had been real.

The last time they’d clashed had been only about four months ago, and it had seemed tame compared to past battles. There had been the usual banter, a fight with a giant mech, free the animals, same as always. Who could have guessed that would be the end of it?

 **‘I did not think…’** Metal started again, and even in his monotone his voice seemed to hold a note of confusion, **‘I was unaware you attributed so much to the doctor.’**

Sonic made a slight inclination with his head. “I never felt the need to make a big deal out of it. I think he knew it himself too, to some degree. I— I dunno. I can’t explain.”

Suddenly, he can’t help but let out a short chuckle, shaking his head.

“As if, as if his ego needed to be bigger, right?”

He started to laugh, but the joke dropped off being funny too soon. Before he could stop it, tears formed and fell down his cheeks, and he shook as the truth of the situation came back full force.

“S-Sorry,” he couldn’t help but stammer out, trying to wipe at his eyes, “Stupid, I don’t even know—“

Metal watched him carefully, and after a couple moments he stepped backwards, until they were only a foot aside from each other.

 **‘You are...sad.’** Metal announced, **‘You are...grieving.’**

Somehow hearing it aloud just made Sonic cry harder, breaking into a sob. He curled in tighter to himself, chest heaving and trembling as it all poured out of him. The terrible fact that his greatest enemy, a man that had shaped such a large part of Sonic’s life, had carved out a permanent mark, was now and forever _gone_.

When it finally felt like it had been drained from him for now, he finally got his head back up and blinked blearily around, catching Metal still staring at him.

“Shit,” he muttered, finally getting his eyes clear with the back of his gloves, “‘M not being very helpful right now…”

**‘I do not understand.’**

“I came up here to try and, I dunno, make sure you...understood, you know. What happened.” Sonic took a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh, then made himself stand up, trying to push back on the urge to sink back into his sorrow.

Metal was silent for a second, then took his gaze back out in front of them.

 **‘I cannot...feel.’** Metal reiterated, **‘But there is...something missing, now. Something I cannot quantify.’**

“Yeah,” Sonic muttered, grasping his own arms, “Yeah, I know. I feel it too.”

While Metal just continued to stare out, unmoving, Sonic started looking around, searching for what to say next. When his eyes caught sight of Orbot and Cubot leaving the base, he got an idea.

Later, they both stood silently in front of a grave. Orbot and Cubot had long gone back to the base, to finish whatever last instructions Robotnik left them. Sonic stared at the tombstone, which was of course carved in the man’s likeness and engraved with what a “great” genius he was, but his mind still felt like it was white static. He figured, perhaps one day he might look at this and smile, realizing that even to his grave the man had thought he deserved a statue of himself.

It just felt like a cruel joke, now.

**‘What is the purpose of being here?’**

Sonic tapped his foot, uncomfortable but pushing through it. “The idea is, uh. You say what you would have wanted to say, if you’d had the chance.”

Metal turned his head curiously. **‘But he is dead. There is no chance to say it now. I understand this concept. Do you?’**

Sonic grit his teeth, “It’s supposed to help, uh. With this. Like that— that missing piece, or whatever, isn’t missing.”

Metal still seemed confused. **‘Demonstrate.’**

Swallowing back the fresh pit that opened in his stomach, Sonic stared intensely at the grave.

“Hey, uh. Doc.” Sonic kept tapping, annoyed that he was aware of it, “So, look. We were enemies ‘n all, but uh…”

He inhaled sharply, willing back the fresh tears that came with the brutal honesty he didn’t confess: _‘I’m gunna miss you.’_

“...I, uh. I’m glad, you know, that I got to face you. That you... _hoo boy,_ made e-every adventure an...an adventure. A _big_ adventure, I mean.”

He stopped tapping his foot only to sway uncomfortably, darting his eyes to the freshly-turned dirt in front of him.

“And I hope...I think you liked facing me, too, even if you wanted to kill me. And my friends. And I guess I always hoped that...that we would’ve had a chance to talk, o-or something.”

And now, the weight of regret slipped in, but not really for that. Instead, it was the acceptance of something that had always been in the back of his head, but now slowly seeped in like a faucet that had been leaking for too long and now spilled over the sink.

Despite everything, despite _all_ the things the man had done, Sonic had always _always_ wanted a better relationship with the man. Even if they stayed enemies, which was more than fine in Sonic’s playbook, to have a chance to have a normal talk, or spend an afternoon somewhere, had been some deeply-bound secret wish for Sonic.

It was a disquieting feeling, to know he’d never acted upon it. And sure, the doctor probably would have scoffed at him, told him he was soft-hearted, but now Sonic would never know.

“Anyway, I...Orbot told me you didn’t want me to know, but— just so you know, I wouldn’t have, uh, celebrated, or something. I know everyone else probably is— fuck, that was, uh, probably mean...But, but gotta be honest, I won’t. I just...it’s hard, yanno, to imagine what this world is gunna be like. Without you in it.”

Too-aware of Metal beside him, and the grave in front of him, Sonic turned his head, wrapping his arms around himself.

“...I guess this is. Uh. Goodbye, then.”

He inhaled a long, shaky breath, then looked back at Metal, trying to feel relieved.

“There, see? Just whatever you wanted to say to him, if you could.”

He gestured vaguely towards the gravestone, and Metal’s diodes flicked between him and the stone.

Metal stared for a long while, and Sonic’s thoughts were a whirlwind the whole time. He couldn’t imagine what was going on inside the badnik’s head; for as much issue as Metal had always taken with Robotnik, both with his rebellious phases and his blatant disobedience in trying to defeat Sonic, he had been built by the man and clearly still had some incomputeable attachment to him. And Robotnik had, for his part, always rebuilt and brought Metal back, no matter what.

After an amount of time passed that was bordering on Sonic wondering if Metal had somehow glitched, the badnik finally spoke again.

 **‘Goodbye, creator.’** He said, then turned and began to walk away.

“Wh— Hey!” Sonic said, chasing after him, causing him to stop and look back, “That’s it?”

**‘Yes. There is nothing else I would say to him.’**

After all the fight earlier to get him to stop attacking them, and his weird sulking, Sonic had thought for sure Metal would have more to say. He didn’t want to get angry at the badnik though, because perhaps Metal just needed more time.

Sonic sighed. “Alright.”

Metal didn’t move right away, still staring at Sonic.

**‘It is...illogical, that my creator should die before you do. But that is what has occured.’**

Metal turned his head down again, then up, then away from Sonic.

**‘I still lack an answer for what I am to do, with no orders.’**

Sonic shook his head, rubbing the back of it with a hand.

“I’m sorry, I mean— you’re still programmed to kill me, yeah?”

**‘That is inherent. But it is not the same.’**

Sonic interlocked his hands behind his head, staring up at the sky. After a moment, he spoke up again.

“I guess...we’ll both have to figure out what to do next, huh?”

Metal glanced back, holding Sonic’s eyes for a moment, then straightened himself up and watched the sky too.

Once the sun had started to set, Metal finally powered up his engine, and took off in that direction. Sonic was left alone, with just the grave of Dr. Robotnik before him. He supposed he should follow his own advice, and find out what he would do from now on. But perhaps...that adventure could wait, just a little while.

And for the first time in his life, Sonic turned and walked back home.

**Author's Note:**

> hey sega can we PLEASE get sonic Feeling Emotions at some point in modern comics and games?? that'd be great


End file.
